save me oh friends
he's here
chopping the woods,
breaking the mountains,
crossing the oceans,
he's here......
He won't leave me,
he wud cleave me,
he wud attack me,
and i can't retaliate,
he wud swallow me,
and i can't run back!!
Save me friends,
i know he wud get me....
he won't kill me at once,
he won't hack off my head,
he won't run his dagger thru,
he won't shoot me in the head,
bt he wud suffocate,
he wud slaughter slowly n slowly,
he wud drag me behind his horse,
he wud cut off arms n legs,
and he wud bury me half dead.....
save me oh friends,
for he's here,
for u r my last offence,
for u r my last defence.....
save me oh friends
for d devil inside me is here.......
4 comments:
Kirkit dhum...kirkit dhum..kirkit dhoom...
This is the note on which the poem ends...a gr8 piece of modern style of writing...The best part of the poetry is dat most of the people out here can associate these descriptions to their lives...things like u hav described regularly happen in ppl's lives...atleast in my case it is very frequent...and the sketch which u have created in it is very vivid and to say the least is frightening....The word which u have used "swallow" is very apt yaar...actually this is the perfect word 4 dat feeling..it seems as if u are being swallowed in the darkness of death...everything is veiled..u shoot in the darkness..u grope..u fail...u are shattered...u fail to gather back...u think why were u born..why shudnt u end ur lives...
"i can't run back"..yes yaar..one keeps on thinking that how cud he have undone those things which led to his plight..but he only comes to know that once done cant be undone..he just cant rUN BACK!...
The awe-inspiring part comes when u pen down the description dat how will he get u down..the same feeling is here buddy...its more like BLEED to death than being SHOT to death..its slow and painful...u think that everything shud end instantaneously but the Devil makes it a point to cut off everything which facilitate the pace of the process..a real kickass devil...
Few more lines which were beyond anyone's ability to pen down..."bt he wud suffocate"...and "he wud drag me behind his horse"....suffocate and swallow r the perfect words to convey the trauma of that situation...and "drag me"..very realistic...its like that when steering of life slips out of her hands..it seems that everything has digressed from its natural disposition..like sum1 else is governing our life..we are just docile and meek deers who turn in the direction which our tormentor whips...
"cut off arms n legs"...very apt...he wud cut our arms to prevent us frm doin nething for our benefit..he wud cut our legs and end the days of our self-dependence.
"bury me half dead"....very cruel indeed..it seems as if he has only half-shoved us so that we can see our death frm our eyes helplessly..having hands but cant use them to our protection...
Sorry 4 da late comments..but here i wrote what i construed frm ur poem..ur mindset may have been entirely diff...i just jotted down my outlook...
Thanks yaar4 sharing a beautiful poem with us...KEEP rockingg with ur pen!!>..
nice poem
copy karke likha na
he he he he
just kidding
bahut achchi hai
jyada poem mat likh mujhe jeolous hota hai tujhse
gud keep it up
To begin with, nice poem akhat ...(akshat)
lagta nahi he tune likha hai...
last few lines are awesome...i think everyone of us hav this feeling...we r the biggest enemy of ourself...ur poem is so much realistic...keep writing...
waise tujhe darne ki zarurat nahi...darne ki zarurat to hame hai...teri poem se...
dude when did u start all dis stuff??
i hd never seen u in dis way before...bt dude u hav got a sharp mind.and u r using it in diffrnt streams and dat is the very gud part of ur life...
keep it up....
about d poems!!! i wont say much as i dont know any thing about poetry...bt still poems wer very gud.
dont write another hindi poem...english poems r better..
aur ek ad poem hamko bhi deicate kar diya karo....hum bhi khush ho liya karenge..
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